Friends with benefits is a difficult subject to cover. It has many unwritten rules that it is hard to fully grasp. Because of this, we are going to go over four things in this article: Does friends with benefits work, friends with benefit rules, benefits with an ex, and should you do it.
Does friends with benefits work?
This depends on many things: who it is with, the attraction level, the reasoning for friends with benefits, the rules, the amount of time you spend together, and so on. It also depends on what your definition of success is in this category. Can you physically do it? Sure. Will someone get attached? If I was a betting man, someone usually does. When having a friend with benefits, two things are going to happen ninety percent of the time. You’re either going to get into some type of relationship or someone is going to have feelings and get hurt (if you don’t follow rules). Even if it doesn’t end one of those ways, let’s say, two friends hook up and then date other people, it’s usually because of jealousy or pride for one’s reason for talking to someone else. If I liked Jane but Jane didn’t like me, I would be hurt and may try to make her jealous and get with someone else. Then of course she will get mad and we will fight, not hook up at all, or just hook up with other people. It’s a vicious circle.
Does friends with benefits work? It depends on what end of the string you are on. If you are doing it for pure pleasure, not wanting to date, and not getting physically/emotionally attached then it will work for you. If you’re the one who wants to take it further forming a relationship and gets attached then it’s going to be a hard road for you. The best possibility for it to work is if you both honestly are just looking for a hook up and nothing more. Then it will work. Before you jump into it though, I suggest you really think it over and ask yourself if you can do it without falling for the person.
Friends with benefit rules
Before I even get into any rules, the most important thing I believe is to tell each other straight up from the very beginning that this is purely friends with benefits. Both of you need to say that you’re not wanting a relationship out of this. That may ruin the moment and kill some potential chances getting with a friend but if that is the case then you will thank me later because if that bothers the friend, the friend liked you and wanted something out of it in the long run.
There are many rules you should ask yourself. Here are some things you should discuss:
-Talking to other people (I believe you should be able to if it’s friends with benefits)
-How the hanging out is going to be before and after the hook up (you don’t want it to be awkward after sex. You also don’t want to have sex then one person starts to gain feelings and always texts you and asks you to hang. You don’t want clingy.)
-Staying the night and the frequency of sex
-Should your other friends know?
-What are you guys wanting out of this? (If one of you say “I like you” then there is a problem. However, saying “I find you attractive but I don’t expect anything out of this” is okay.)
Friends with benefit rules are tricky and there are lots of them. Have a good talk before jumping into anything.
Benefits with an ex
Unless you’re over him/her, I highly discourage you from hooking up with an ex. Personally, I don’t hang with an ex unless I am completely over her or one of us are in a relationship. The worst feeling in the world is to go back to someone and start that grueling heartbreak stage all over again where you’re constantly thinking about them and what they are doing. Out of sight, out of mind is key! Keep it that way.
Should you do it?
Should you have friends with benefits? Personally, yes. I have had them and they worked successfully (for me) but that is because I followed the rules. Now I am not saying (to both men and women) be a player and be selfish. Don’t go hooking up knowing they have feelings for you and want more. I always respected my partners in this category and that is why it worked. This isn’t supposed to be some player/playette guide. It’s just an article on friend with benefits. If you want it to work, find someone who has the same interest as you and doesn’t want more. Make sure it stays that way and you’ll be fine. If you don’t follow the rules you laid out in the beginning, it will end ninety percent of the time like I said in the start: a relationship or a train wreck. If you don’t want either, find someone who will follow the rules along with you.