Child marriage is widely regarded as a bad thing and for a good reason. Many children, a majority of them young girls, have been affected by it, both physically and mentally, according to an article by Girls Not Brides. It’s a damaging practice and one that should be done away with. To make matters worse, this is something that still happens today.
However, that’s in a situation where an adult is trying to marry a child. What about one where two children are trying to tie the knot? This week, Twitter user @/maafcakaplah, or Kak Bam, made a post about a pair of 15-year-olds who had gotten married. This raises the question of whether two children or teenagers should be allowed to marry each other. So let’s go through it!
To preface this, in Malaysia, the youngest a girl can get married is at the age of 16, and the youngest a boy can be married is at 18. This rule only applies to Muslim netizens. Only two states in Malaysia – Kedah and Selangor, have officially outlawed being married under the age of 18, for both boys and girls.
In other states, the Syariah court is able to dictate that those under 18 are eligible to consent to be married, and as such, they can be wed. Though parents need to consent for individuals under 21, the Chief Minister is also able to grant a license that overrules that, allowing the couple to marry even if the parents do not approve.
First things first, let’s consider whether teenagers are old enough to make their own decisions. After all, as a teen, you’re able to understand that every choice has a consequence and be able to commit to your decisions. So at this age, theoretically they could choose to get married while understanding that it’s a lifetime commitment.
Not only that but, children as young as 11 or 12 are recommended to start planning where they want to go to college, and what they want to do in the future. If children who haven’t even reached the teenage years can be expected to decide on their career paths, it doesn’t seem unreasonable for someone who’s a teenager to decide who to spend the rest of their life with.
Another common belief is that teenage love isn’t “real love”. There’s the idea that relationships between teenagers don’t last and that their love isn’t meant to be enduring. This argument is often used against allowing them to marry at such a young age—after all, why get married if they’ll break up in the future? It seems like a pointless action.
However, this dismisses teenagers’ feelings. It may seem trivial because they’re young, but the love they feel is real. Those are genuine emotions they are experiencing. Youth doesn’t magically make a feeling “fake”. Teenage relationships can also last all through to old age. So their relationship shouldn’t be dismissed, and treated as if the only end is a breakup.
Teenagers also need the freedom to be making their own decisions. To prepare for an independent future, they need to be given space to be themselves, a chance to live freely and gain experience, outside of their parents’ influence.
After all, if they aren’t able to make decisions on their own when they become fully fledged adults, they’ll struggle with choices, always deferring to their parents. They’ll be unable to stand on their own two feet, leading to over-dependence. As adults, they could find themselves stranded in the real world. By extension, this could also apply to marrying as a teenager, right?
On the other hand, while it’s possible for teenage relationships to last a lifetime, it’s not a common occurrence. Those who are 16—the minimum age for marriage in Malaysia—are still in high school, still finding themselves. Along the way, they will develop into different people and change. Unfortunately, change sometimes means letting go of someone, because as they grow, a teenager might no longer be compatible with their high school sweetheart.
Research shows the likelihood of a high school relationship ending in marriage is only around 2%. Even if you get married at young, the outcome that’s most likely in the future, is separation, once both parties have changed and found themselves.
A person’s teenage years are also some of their most impulsive ones. Teenagers tend to live wild and free lives, functioning on what seems to bring them fun, or on their base impulses. Thirsting after the thrills of life, seeking an adventurous existence. Despite being aware of consequences, teenagers don’t seem to process the severity of said consequences, not understanding the danger behind it.
This reckless decision-making behaviour tends to be most common among 15- and 16-year-olds. So, that would likely be one of the worst times to choose marriage as an option, as, more often than not, it’s one of those impulsive decisions teenagers are prone to making. Seeking new experiences and being willing to try things is a good thing, but marriage isn’t an experiment. It’s a lifetime commitment to someone else, not a decision to be made on a whim.
Finally, even though people have somewhat matured as teenagers, the brain actually hasn’t fully developed yet. The impulsive behaviour of teenagers is caused by their prefrontal cortex still being in development. This part of the brain is responsible for future plans, risk assessment and a person’s emotions. All important things that are needed to decide on something like marriage. And a teenager is still working on that.
So if that vital part of the brain hasn’t been fully developed, how can a teenager already be allowed to choose marriage? Without being able to fully consider the risks of marriage, or emotionally process the weight of such a major decision, a teenager is not able to make a proper choice. There are many variables that a teenager wouldn’t have started thinking of yet, that need to be considered when getting married.
In conclusion, no. Though the comparison seems offensive, like children, teenagers shouldn’t be allowed to get married yet. The chances of it being an impulsive decision are extremely high, and it’s likely that it’s not a situation that will end with a happy ever after. Though it’s a possibility, they should get to know each other longer, rather than jumping straight into a wedding. That’s not to say that they can’t have a relationship though. Relationships are important for growth, and for them to explore themselves.
Though teenagers should have some level of freedom in their decisions, they shouldn’t be making such huge life choices at such a young age. Deciding what days to go out with friends or what time to come home is on a completely different level from choosing who to spend the rest of your life with.
Sources: Girls Not Brides, Going Ivy, u-high midway, Teen Ink, Yaw Amoateng, raisingchildren.net.au, frontiers, Lo & Partners Advocates
Janae Lee contributed to this article.
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