The older I get, the more I realise how little I ask others if they’re truly doing okay. I used to hope that my friends would come to me, ask how I was doing, and notice if something was wrong. But one day, I had to face a hard truth: that kind of hope is a two-way street.
It hit me when I was feeling particularly low. I deactivated all my social media accounts for a few days, wanting to disconnect and hide from the world. Deep down, I hoped someone would notice my absence and check in. But no one did. Days passed, and nothing, I felt invisible, forgotten even. It wasn’t a great feeling, but it made me reflect – how often do I check in on others? How often do I take the initiative to ask if someone is okay?
That’s when I decided it was time to shift my mindset. Instead of waiting for others to ask if I’m okay, I realised I should be the one reaching out. After all, if I’m choosing to disconnect, why expect others to step in? Whether it’s family, friends, or colleagues, making the first move can spark meaningful connections. It doesn’t have to be grand or life-changing – sometimes, it’s as simple as showing that you care.
Start With A Simple Check-In
Reaching out doesn’t require a grand plan. It’s as simple as sending a text or calling someone to say, “Hey, how are you doing? I’ve been thinking about you.” It’s about making the first move, even when it feels a little awkward. Over time, I’ve learned to be more observant. If I see someone posting less online, or if their name randomly pops into my head, I take it as a sign to check in. A quick message can make a world of difference.
Be Specific With Your Questions
Instead of just asking “How are you?”, try something more meaningful: “What’s been the highlight of your week?” or “Is there something you’ve been struggling with lately?” This invites people to open up more authentically and shows you’re genuinely interested in more than just a surface-level response. You’ll be surprised by how much people appreciate someone asking questions that make them think and feel heard.
Listen, Don’t Just Ask
Asking someone how they’re doing is one thing, but listening is just as important. I’ve learned that it’s not enough to ask; it’s about truly listening. Whether it’s putting your phone down or making time for a face-to-face conversation, being present in those moments of sharing is key. Listening can make someone feel valued and understood. It’s not about offering advice but creating a space for them to express themselves.
Listening is just as important. When someone does open up, I’ve learned to be present. Sometimes, they don’t need advice; they just need to feel heard.
Small Acts Of Kindness
Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. A surprise coffee delivery, a handwritten note, or offering to run errands for someone who’s having a rough day – these are small but meaningful ways to show you care. It’s the little things that often make the biggest impact.
Even with my husband, living together has taught us to be there for each other in practical ways. When one of us is feeling down or struggling to get out of bed, the other will step in to take care of things – whether it’s washing the dishes or helping out with cooking. It’s those simple, everyday acts that remind us we’ve got each other’s backs.
Offer Help, Even When They Haven’t Asked For It
We all know someone who’s too proud to ask for help, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t appreciate it. Offering assistance, like sending a message that says, “Hey, if you need anything, I’m here,” can be incredibly comforting. Sometimes it’s all about knowing you’re not alone, even if you don’t want to openly ask for help. And it doesn’t have to be a big offer; sometimes it’s just a reminder that you’re there when needed.
Let’s also try a little “8-Minute Rule.” If you ever need someone to listen to your problems, text them: “Hey, do you have eight minutes?” It’s a simple way to ask for a bit of their time without feeling like you’re imposing. It creates a small window for connection, and often, those eight minutes can make a big difference in your mood.
Celebrating The Big Or Small Wins
We often wait until someone lands a huge promotion or celebrates a big win to acknowledge them, but celebrating small wins – like surviving a rough week or finishing a tough project – can go a long way.
Big or small, my husband and I have made it a point to celebrate every win. We acknowledge each other’s efforts – whether it’s landing a new job, receiving a compliment from boss, or even just finding the strength to get out of bed on a tough day. These moments of celebration remind us that we’re not alone and that every step forward matters.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: waiting for others to check in on you can feel isolating, but taking the initiative to reach out creates connection. So, stop hoping and start asking. Think of someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and send them a quick message. Ask them how they’ve been, how work is going, or what’s new in their life. You never know – you might brighten their day or even rekindle a connection.
It’s not about grand gestures; it’s about showing you care. And in doing so, you might find that the love and kindness you give to others comes back to you in ways you never expected.
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